Monday, December 14, 2009

Grey's Analatomy

I put my glove on as fast I could and then shoved my fingers into her birth canal. She groaned a woman's moan. I grimaced as I felt the walls of her vaginae, searching for clues.

"Anything?" she asked, breathy.

"Only pussy," I smiled.

Staring up at her, past her pubis mons and her navel and her mammaries, we locked eyes. She licked her lips at me, causing my penis to engage in engorgement.

Suddenly, I felt something amiss inside her. A large, round, textured mound. It slipped into my grip and I carefully pulled it of her vaginael opening.

"Do you play golf?" I asked, holding the golf ball up for her to see.

"Oh my, I'm so embarrassed!" She blushed.

"You must be a terrible player to have hit a ball so badly that it would end up inside of you."

"This is true."

She was hurt, and I had caused the hurt. This was a no-no, according to the Hippocratic oath.

"I am sorry for speaking to you that way," I apologized. "Let me make it up to you with food at night."

"How about you make it up to me right now?" She slipped her foot off the stirrup and undid my fly with her toes. My penis popped out and dripped pre-ejaculatory fluid down her foot, leg, and into her womanhood.

"Oh no!" I exclaimed. "That can contain semen!"

"How dare you!" she yelled, panicked.

"I must destroy the baby! I must destroy the baby!" I began bashing her stomach with my fists, furiously.

"Harder! Harder! Get rid of it!"

A rogue punch flew and hit her in the face, instantly murdering her from punch to the face wound.

"What have I done!" I yelled at the fluorescent ceiling light. "What have I done!" I put on my stethoscope and put the hearing-bit to my head in order to know what I was thinking. I was still thinking about vaginae. I masturbated to the sound of my thoughts through the stethoscope, and ejaculated onto the newly-dead patient.

Oh, the caverns of the heart
so stuffed-full of art,
and the lions roar heavy
on a pale moon skye.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Bukowski Smut

those nights in Ohio,
sitting in my chair,
watching her cunt on the bed

my typewriter on the arm rest,
my hand on my purple onion

she would rub and rub at it,
and I'd smile and smile

I could hear her cunt hairs
against her fingertips

and I'd throw the toaster
out the window
onto the crab grass,

and she'd tell me I was bad, bad,

and the mail truck,
and the rain on the mail,
my big ugly mug

if I am dying right now
typing this,
let it be in a cunt
rather than remembering one,

and the world continues on,
with the birds in the trees,
and the sparrow on my purple onion

I miss you

you were one of the good ones

e.e. cumming

that feels










Sunday, December 6, 2009

Areolas: A Manifesto

The proletariat breast is true breast. Large areola, serving transition from nipple to breast meat.

The elite breast is unsatisfactory. Small nipple with small or non-existent areola like a man's nipple. Need be extincted.

Man's nipple need not be passed on to women to have. Bad design. Not 'happening'.

Proletariat, it is projected, will out-create elites at infant-creation 10:1 in coming harvest. A good thing. Better breasts for future generations.

Society run on breasts. Need to survive. A standard valuable and venerable more so than gold.

Paper money is creation of elite. Helps to keeping breasts small areola. Fiat paper money system needs a destruction. It is time.

Large areola must only exist. Make better an social construct. Possible to eliminate sadness in men.

Now is time make fire.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Socialism Smut

Elfriede stood alone in center of cold room, shivering. The door opened. It was Kriviev.

"I did not know," said Kriviev. He always knew.

"I am all but forgiveness," said Elfriede.

Kriviev stepped in and closed door behind him. Went over to Elfriede with gusto and touched cold skin with colder hand. "I don't think that."

"Think harder," said Elfriede. She stared at him with eyes of youth, but body of pain.

Kriviev destinationed over to record player. He inserted an amount of tokens and selected a melody. The melody played. Only could afford Locrian mode.

"You can only ever always only afford Locrian mode," said Elfriede.

Kriviev did not reply but instead did in fact a removal of pants. Elfriede sighed a body sigh, then took off brassiere A, and finally, brassiere B.

"You look venerable," said Kriviev.

Elfriede raised side of upper lip. Was how she smiled. "You have always ways with syntax."

Kriviev went and took hand of Elfriede and brought body of Elfriede to sleeping corner. She rested down upon single sheet. Kriviev collapsed on top of her with a bear's strength. He rubbed pelvis upon hers over and over. Neither people removed her pants. Was too cold, also baby not affordable.

When ejaculation of man, Kriviev rise and exit. Single tear of Elfriede not visible in dark light.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Really Good Smut: A YouTube Series

Really Good Smut is now also a YouTube series!

Check out episode one:

Make Your Own Penis

It is possible to make your own penis. An extra to keep handy in case of emergency. Follow these instructions:

- Semen
- Arm & Hammer Baking Soda
- Ground Saffron
- Woman's Spit (Spit from a Woman)
- Tin Foil
- Dark, Damn Environment
- Empty glass of water

1) Mold a sheet of tin foil into your desired penis size. You may use several sheets if necessary. Remember to pack the tin foil tight.

2) Masturbate to your favorite pornographic cassette. I suggest 'Love Gnome 6'.

3) When it comes (get it?) time to ejaculate, do so into an empty glass of water. Remeber, it is important that the water is empty.

4) Sprinkle saffron into glass of water of semen as fast as you can for ten seconds.

5) Sprinkle baking soda into glass of water of semen as fast as you can for eleven seconds.

6) Have a woman spit into the glass of water of semen and saffron and baking soda. It is important that she does this willingly, or else your penis will be ugly.

7) Bring tin foil mold and glass of water of semen and saffron and baking soda and woman's spit to a dark, damp environment. Place the tin foil mold on a surface, and then pour contents of glass of water of semen and saffron and baking soda and woman's spit onto the tin foil mold. It is okay if the tin foil mode is not covered completely by the contents of the glass of water of semen and saffron and baking soda and woman's spit, but do try to cover it as well as you can, for science.

8) After six weeks, your new penis will be ready. You now have two penises; one attached to your body, and one sentient and superior in every way. Try the latter one out on a woman. If you are a nice person, you should probably try it out on the woman who donated her precious spit. However, this should only be done if you are still romantically involved with this person. If you are not, try the penis out on an alcoholed stranger.

9) Make another one. Make several. Most men have ten.

10) 8==============D

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

All-Natural Penis Enlargement

My wife, Suzie Cocksuck, is a professional at dick-fucking. Most of you already know her from our website, SuzieCocksuck.cum. Here is the story of how I met Suzie.

I was once a small-dicked man. My dick was no good for fucking; no good for fucking at all. On a nice day, my little rocket stood a mere three inches. It was a terrible penis.

One day, while watching a pornographic laser disc on my home theater system, a particularly giant member appeared on the screen. Something about this member incensed me like a thousand sticks of incense dipped in fire. I turned red with rage, and took the rage out on my penis, tugging at it as hard as I could. To my surprise, it lengthened.

It was now twelve inches long and mighty. I almost had a heart attack from how turned on I was staring at it. I quickly ran out of the room and out the front door in search of fuck.

The first lady I saw was Suzie Cocksuck. She was walking a dog no bigger than a dog, and was completely naked. Her breasts were perky; each of her nipples pointed at the sky like conjoined twins admiring constellations. Her pussy was as slimy and hairy as a guido. I was in love.

My dick became an erection and her vaginae became a mission. I jumped her and began porking her before she even knew what was happening. We fucked for months on that damn sidewalk. When I finally came, my sperm all had beards and jobs. It was truly an epic session of penising.

Wiping cum off of her with a nearby supermarket circular, I asked her to marry me. She said yes, and from that day on, we have been fucking on camera for the entire world wide web. I'm fucking her right now, even. Try and stop me.

Tom "Dick" Cuntfuck, C.P.A.