Chinese girls are the best kind of fuck. They bring luck to anyone who fucks them. The type of luck varies. You never know what specific luck energy a chinese girl will bring you.
Each type luck of luck is represented by a gem:
Ruby -You will have good fortune in powerful matters. You will win your next seven fist fights.
Sapphire - You will misplace some rope on your ship. When you find it again, it will be double the rope you thought you had.
Pearl - The stock market will crash, and it will be your fault. You will marry a woman in a bread line. She will have giant breasts, great for squeezing, and her pussy hairs will be so soft you'd think she were a prince. She is pregnant and lactates. You will drink her milk. It is a time of famine, but you survive with her on breast milk, bread, and pregnancy fucks.
Emerald - Money, money, money! You will have so many stacks of money, for no reason at all. The catch is you are now gay.
Gold - Two dragons on the top of your building that you never knew were there. They will be yours for transportation. The second dragon is for your eventual wife. You will never have an eventual wife.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Cumshot Olympics
Since 1968 there has existed an annual underground Cumshot Olympics, based out of Chippewa Falls, WI. Applications must be submitted between May 1st and July 1st of every year. If you are chosen, you will be flown first class to Chippewa Falls International Airport, to compete in the event.
Submit the following questionnaire, using #2 pencil only, to:
Cumshot Olympics
55 Cockstone Drive
Chippewa Falls, WI
54729
CUMSHOT OLYMPICS SUBMISSION FORM (Sample Form)
Name: (Cody)
Age: (21)
Penis length: (12")
Penis girth: (7")
Last recorded cumshot distance: (6')
Favorite cumshot olympian: (Jeff Daniels, Actor)
Favorite cumshot: (Billy Boxer. Age 12. Arkansas. 1919. Shot cum from shoreline of pond, hitting a fish jumping out of the water twenty feet in.)
Favorite spank material: (Dance scene from Scent of a Woman)
Submit the following questionnaire, using #2 pencil only, to:
Cumshot Olympics
55 Cockstone Drive
Chippewa Falls, WI
54729
CUMSHOT OLYMPICS SUBMISSION FORM (Sample Form)
Name: (Cody)
Age: (21)
Penis length: (12")
Penis girth: (7")
Last recorded cumshot distance: (6')
Favorite cumshot olympian: (Jeff Daniels, Actor)
Favorite cumshot: (Billy Boxer. Age 12. Arkansas. 1919. Shot cum from shoreline of pond, hitting a fish jumping out of the water twenty feet in.)
Favorite spank material: (Dance scene from Scent of a Woman)
Friday, June 19, 2009
Sex Riddle
A man was found shot to death, with cum all over him, while in his car. The cum was not his own, there were no powder marks on his clothing, which indicated that the gunman was outside the car. However, all the windows were up and the doors locked. After a close inspection was made, the only bullet-holes discovered were on the man's body. How was he murdered and covered with cum?
Highlight for answer: The man was John F. Kennedy, and the car was a convertible.
Highlight for answer: The man was John F. Kennedy, and the car was a convertible.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Reader Question #1
Dear Really Good Smut,
this summer something changed in me. my penis hairs were getting longer by the second. i am 14 years old. my name is Robert.
puberty strikes, they say. my dad says. this is all the advice I am getting on the subject. I like video games and girls (sort of)
every single day my penis hairs grow an inch or two. why is this
thank you
Robert F
(but my friends call me goku)
Goku,
Penis hairs are a specific species of hair. This is why they are found only on the penis.
When you rub a penis hair one of a few things can happen:
1) You feel sexual gratification
2) The penis hair falls out
3) The penis hair rubs back
These are all normal processes that the body must go through, and will continue to go through until you are a man.
Do not be afraid of your penis hairs. You can even trim them if need be. Some grown men trim their penis hair completely. Others do not trim their penis hair completely. This is up for the man to decide, not the woman.
Sincerely,
Cody
Really Good Smut
this summer something changed in me. my penis hairs were getting longer by the second. i am 14 years old. my name is Robert.
puberty strikes, they say. my dad says. this is all the advice I am getting on the subject. I like video games and girls (sort of)
every single day my penis hairs grow an inch or two. why is this
thank you
Robert F
(but my friends call me goku)
Goku,
Penis hairs are a specific species of hair. This is why they are found only on the penis.
When you rub a penis hair one of a few things can happen:
1) You feel sexual gratification
2) The penis hair falls out
3) The penis hair rubs back
These are all normal processes that the body must go through, and will continue to go through until you are a man.
Do not be afraid of your penis hairs. You can even trim them if need be. Some grown men trim their penis hair completely. Others do not trim their penis hair completely. This is up for the man to decide, not the woman.
Sincerely,
Cody
Really Good Smut
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sex Jokes
A man comes home from work to find his wife fucking a guy whom she is not allowed to.
"Honey!" the man says, in shock.
The guy turns around from fucking the man's wife to face the man. His chest is covered in bee stings.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you have sex in a cake shop?
A: Cumcakes.
* * *
Q: Why did the asian drive into a tree?
A: Naked ladies were abound.
* * *
A 10-year-old boy comes into the kitchen from the living room.
"Clean that up!" his mom yells.
* * *
A guy walks into a bar with a duck under his arm. He sets the duck down next to him at the counter and asks for a beer.
"I haven't seen you in here before," said the bartender.
"I've been here plenty," said the man.
"Did you always have a duck under your arm?" asked the bartender.
"No," said the man.
The duck puked cum onto the counter.
"You're gonna clean that up," said the bartender.
"After my beer," said the man.
The man drank his beer and then the bartender came back around to him.
"Will you clean that up now?" asked the bartender.
"After my next beer," said the man.
The bartender handed him another beer. After the man drank it the bartender came back around to him.
"Can you clean that up now?" asked the bartender.
"After my next beer," said the man.
"Well we're all out of beer," said the bartender.
"I guess I'll never clean it up then."
The man exited, never cleaning it up.
* * *
Q: Why does a woman have breasts?
A: For a number of reasons
"Honey!" the man says, in shock.
The guy turns around from fucking the man's wife to face the man. His chest is covered in bee stings.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you have sex in a cake shop?
A: Cumcakes.
* * *
Q: Why did the asian drive into a tree?
A: Naked ladies were abound.
* * *
A 10-year-old boy comes into the kitchen from the living room.
"Clean that up!" his mom yells.
* * *
A guy walks into a bar with a duck under his arm. He sets the duck down next to him at the counter and asks for a beer.
"I haven't seen you in here before," said the bartender.
"I've been here plenty," said the man.
"Did you always have a duck under your arm?" asked the bartender.
"No," said the man.
The duck puked cum onto the counter.
"You're gonna clean that up," said the bartender.
"After my beer," said the man.
The man drank his beer and then the bartender came back around to him.
"Will you clean that up now?" asked the bartender.
"After my next beer," said the man.
The bartender handed him another beer. After the man drank it the bartender came back around to him.
"Can you clean that up now?" asked the bartender.
"After my next beer," said the man.
"Well we're all out of beer," said the bartender.
"I guess I'll never clean it up then."
The man exited, never cleaning it up.
* * *
Q: Why does a woman have breasts?
A: For a number of reasons
Smut-bits for Bad People: Tales of Malicious Ejaculates
A racist man used a time machine to go back in time to fuck Cleopatra. When he found out she was black, he went back to the present and masturbated instead.
A bad man had sex with an orphan. When he found out later that she was an orphan, he thought "If I had known she was an orphan I would have came twice as hard."
An evil blind man had sex with a sad woman. When he found out later that she was sad, he thought "If I had known she was sad I would have came twice as hard."
A deceptive man wore a handsome mask in order to seduce a woman. When she was about to come, he took off his mask, revealing his plain real face.
A strong man seduced a woman with his strength. When she was about to come, he told her he was so strong because he was really a robot. This was a lie.
An intelligent man seduced a woman with his brains. The woman was a blind woman and the intelligent man was really a computer.
A braggart seduced a woman with lies. The woman was a naive woman but the sex was good.
7 men had sex with the same woman on different occasions. Later they got together and compared their experiences over tea.
A prudish man was once asked by his lover to shit on her chest while they had sex. He politely refused.
A stingy man was once asked by his lover to pour pennies on her chest while they had sex. He politely refused.
A society of bad men thought about doing sexually malicious things to women. On the way to do these things, they were brutally murdered by a society of bad women.
A sad man once thought naughty thoughts about an eagle. Several schoolchildren prayed for him and he reformed his ways.
Another sad man once thought naughty thoughts about an apple. Several schoolchildren prayed for him and he reformed his ways.
An intelligent man once installed a penis in his computer. The computer enjoyed it when the man stroked its penis and made odd faces and noises when this was done. This was all part of an experiment conducted without the computer's knowledge or consent.
A bad man had sex with an orphan. When he found out later that she was an orphan, he thought "If I had known she was an orphan I would have came twice as hard."
An evil blind man had sex with a sad woman. When he found out later that she was sad, he thought "If I had known she was sad I would have came twice as hard."
A deceptive man wore a handsome mask in order to seduce a woman. When she was about to come, he took off his mask, revealing his plain real face.
A strong man seduced a woman with his strength. When she was about to come, he told her he was so strong because he was really a robot. This was a lie.
An intelligent man seduced a woman with his brains. The woman was a blind woman and the intelligent man was really a computer.
A braggart seduced a woman with lies. The woman was a naive woman but the sex was good.
7 men had sex with the same woman on different occasions. Later they got together and compared their experiences over tea.
A prudish man was once asked by his lover to shit on her chest while they had sex. He politely refused.
A stingy man was once asked by his lover to pour pennies on her chest while they had sex. He politely refused.
A society of bad men thought about doing sexually malicious things to women. On the way to do these things, they were brutally murdered by a society of bad women.
A sad man once thought naughty thoughts about an eagle. Several schoolchildren prayed for him and he reformed his ways.
Another sad man once thought naughty thoughts about an apple. Several schoolchildren prayed for him and he reformed his ways.
An intelligent man once installed a penis in his computer. The computer enjoyed it when the man stroked its penis and made odd faces and noises when this was done. This was all part of an experiment conducted without the computer's knowledge or consent.
Stickup
"Give me all your faggot money!" the young, likely black ruffian demanded. He prodded the old man's spine with his pistol, edging him around the corner and into the shadowy alley.
The old man reached into his pocket.
"No funny stuff," said the disenfranchised person-of-colour.
The old man pulled out his wallet and opened it.
"Turn around!"
The old man turned and faced his robber. The boy was barely legal, and dressed in an undershirt and baggy jeans. His curly chest hair was bouncy and seductive.
"Faster!"
The old man's hands shook as he opened his wallet and leafed through his money.
"Come on!"
The old man fanned out several heterosexual money.
"That's all you got? No faggot money?"
The old man gulped. His hands were shaking. "I don't use faggot money. I'm not a homosexual."
"You're not a homosexual?"
"No, son."
"Dammit!" the negroid urchin exclaimed. He looked around, thinking. "Alright, can you get me any faggot money anywhere?"
"I don't know any faggots."
"None?"
"None."
"Alright, fuck this." The living darkness incarnate crashed the gun against the old man's temple and he fell to the ground, out like a light.
What came next was gay sex of epic proportion. You have never seen such a penis in all your life. It was like a tree branch sprouting from his loins, dark and gnarled. The veins were thick as guitar cable.
Oh, how that penis was shoved into that old man ass. What a mess of blood and enjoyment. You should've seen it. If you'd only seen it, you'd know.
The pounding lasted hours, and then the old man was pumped full of so much cum that it shot out of his nose as if he had been drinking milk and someone had told him a joke.
After, the old man was dragged to the nearest bank, and inside to the next open teller.
"This is a faggot!" the teenaged african exclaimed to the teller.
"I see," said the teller.
The chocolate person handed the teller the old man's regular money, and it was exchanged for faggot money.
"Will that be all today?"
"Yes," said the sentient licorice stick.
"Thank you and have a nice day."
"You, too."
The brown spectacle exited, and later gave the money to his favorite charity.
The old man reached into his pocket.
"No funny stuff," said the disenfranchised person-of-colour.
The old man pulled out his wallet and opened it.
"Turn around!"
The old man turned and faced his robber. The boy was barely legal, and dressed in an undershirt and baggy jeans. His curly chest hair was bouncy and seductive.
"Faster!"
The old man's hands shook as he opened his wallet and leafed through his money.
"Come on!"
The old man fanned out several heterosexual money.
"That's all you got? No faggot money?"
The old man gulped. His hands were shaking. "I don't use faggot money. I'm not a homosexual."
"You're not a homosexual?"
"No, son."
"Dammit!" the negroid urchin exclaimed. He looked around, thinking. "Alright, can you get me any faggot money anywhere?"
"I don't know any faggots."
"None?"
"None."
"Alright, fuck this." The living darkness incarnate crashed the gun against the old man's temple and he fell to the ground, out like a light.
What came next was gay sex of epic proportion. You have never seen such a penis in all your life. It was like a tree branch sprouting from his loins, dark and gnarled. The veins were thick as guitar cable.
Oh, how that penis was shoved into that old man ass. What a mess of blood and enjoyment. You should've seen it. If you'd only seen it, you'd know.
The pounding lasted hours, and then the old man was pumped full of so much cum that it shot out of his nose as if he had been drinking milk and someone had told him a joke.
After, the old man was dragged to the nearest bank, and inside to the next open teller.
"This is a faggot!" the teenaged african exclaimed to the teller.
"I see," said the teller.
The chocolate person handed the teller the old man's regular money, and it was exchanged for faggot money.
"Will that be all today?"
"Yes," said the sentient licorice stick.
"Thank you and have a nice day."
"You, too."
The brown spectacle exited, and later gave the money to his favorite charity.
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